Deciding to Stay with a Cheater?

Heartbreak is no joke. Most of us know the pain of a breakup, right? Whether you’re breaking up and deciding to remain friends or abruptly ending it during a fight… it hurts. And unless you absolutely hate that person and have a reason to be happy that it’s over it hurt bad. Some of us feel so bad we break down and cry, screaming into the pillow until our throats burn as much as the fire in our chests. Some of us feel a numbness that seems to have trapped the tears and held them in a hollow part deep in the crevices of a place inside that we didn’t know existed. Some of us go days before the pain really starts to happen.

But sometimes we make that decision to stay.

Even if the potential reason for the breakup is because that person cheated.

“How can you stay with someone who hurt you?” your friends ask, looking at you as if you have grown an extra head.

People pity you. They pray that you’ll come to your senses- wake up and smell the break-up. Wake up and see what a fool you are and how awful that guy is. The shame grows and grows.

There’s so many reasons you should leave, but depending on the circumstances behind the cheating maybe you’re right to stay but you feel stupid and scared to trust your gut. And that’s okay. But you have to make the decision that is best for you, regardless of what other people think.

This is NOT to say that you should stay with a person who has cheated on you multiple times or to stay in an unhealthy relationship where you do not feel valued.

If you’re thinking about staying with a person who has cheated here are some questions/tips you should think about:

  • Define and rate what your significant other did: Did s/he flirt? Was it physical? A kiss? Sex? Rate what the person did on a scale of 1 to 10.
  • Ask your partner why s/he cheated. It may bruise your ego, but it is a worthy question. From there you can decide if this person is still worth your time by confirming if it was just a once in a lifetime bad decision on your partner’s behalf or if your partner is bound to make the mistake again.
  • Ask yourself if this is something that you can truly forgive and forget. If you do choose to stay with this person you cannot allow yourself to be in a constant state of worry and suspicion. You cannot bring up the past in every argument. You cannot live with secret hate in your heart for the person that you decided to stay with. Things will only get worse that way and you both will end up being miserable and inevitably end in the heartbreak that you were trying to avoid in the first place.

If you do decide to stay with your partner you both must be dedicated to rebuilding trust in the relationship. You both must work to make the relationship stronger and better this time around, keeping in mind why and how the cheating occurred in the first place. If you truly feel the love has returned stronger than ever, ignore your friends who think that you are an idiot because they are not a part of your relationship and they do not know the inner workings like you do.

But if you feel that it is still not going to work after you have tried your best to rekindle the relationship, do not feel ashamed to leave. Furthermore, if you decided straight-out that you want to leave from the very beginning do not hestitate to do so. You know what is best for you and your relationship, so trust your gut, think about what your best decision is.

Love is out there. Maybe you’ve found it, maybe you haven’t. But you have to put in serious dedication to finding that life-long partner…even if there are some bumps along the way.

Painting with a Twist Review

Back on Valentine’s Day my boyfriend and I wracked our brains for something new we could do other than our usual dinner and a movie. My friend suggested we go went to a painting class. Of course I thought “how much money does this girl think we have?”

That’s when she told me about Painting with a Twist. It’s a franchise that mixes “instructional art with friends, wine and a lively instructor to produce individual works of art” (of course you don’t have to drink alcohol if you don’t want to. It’s just as much fun without it, I promise. You can also bring snacks and other beverages).

I wish I had bothered to take more pictures but I’ll try to explain how this goes in detail for you.

When we went in a cheerful greeter was at the door and gave us instructions on what to do. We could put our jackets in the back on the coat hangers. Then we could pick any open seat with a canvas and paint in front of it.

We picked our seats and put the smocks on that were waiting for us on the chairs. A sense of giddiness settled over me since I had not painted anything since probably the second grade. We took the time to look around, noticing the vast amount of detailed paintings covering the walls. I wondered how in the world they were going to get us beginners to paint such beautiful paintings and became nervous because I knew that my painting skills weren’t exactly the best. Okay, I paint worse than most five year olds.

A screen that would allow everyone to see clearly was on the back wall as our cheerful instructor stood at the front of the room with her own canvas.

Fast forward and we began to paint a picture step by step. Another instructor wandered through to give us more paint and answer any questions we had.

Halfway through we took a break to play a little painting game, something I hadn’t been expecting but found pleasure and laughter in nonetheless.

By the end of it, we had painted a beautiful picture!

20160213_220421

I think the coloring and the shape of our clouds are a tad bit messed up because at one point we weren’t paying much attention as we spoke with the other guests (oops!) but the picture is still nice and was fun to create! I even got a bit carried away and added those hearts on my birds.

I’d definitely go back. They have workshops for couples, friends and family where you can even bring your kids! I urge everyone who wants to do something different to go to paintingwithatwist.com and check out their website to see if they have one near you!

The “Too-Good” Guy

Sitting down with my best friend and just talking is one of my favorite past times. And what did we talk about? Her favorite topic of course. Boys. Boys. Boys.

My friend is the type of girl who falls fast and hard for a guy. She wears her heart on her sleeve and hopes that he will too. Yet she just hasn’t been able to find that perfect guy yet- except, in my eyes, she already did.

“So what’s this new guy you’re talking to like?”

She shrugged and fiddled with a stray strand on her bedspread. “I dunno. He’s pretty nice, I guess. Handsome. He texts me in the morning ‘good morning beautiful’. He checks on me throughout the day. He says goodnight. He’s always complimenting me…”

“And?” I prompted as she grew quiet, looking contemplative.

“And he’s kind of quiet. He’s stays to himself a lot and seems kinda shy. I’m not used to shy guys.”

“So you don’t like him?” I asked. It was perfectly fine if she didn’t. Perhaps he just wasn’t her type. But something told me that this was something more.

She sighed and finally stopped looking at the darn strand. Looking me in the eyes for the first time in the past five minutes, she said, “he just seems too good to be true. You know what I mean?”

I absolutely did not know what she meant. But I had heard this before. Ladies, why is it that when we find someone good, we’re terrified of him?

I suppose that we set our expectations high only to get them hit with a boulder and smashed down in the end. The disappointment sets in and our standards lower immensely. I think that’s what happened to my friend. It pained me to think that she would lower her standards when really it was the men who should be holding themselves to a higher standard. So when a guy came around that was actually doing everything she wanted in the beginning, she wanted to run from him.

Sure, the too-good guy really could be putting on an act to get you interested, but time will tell and he will show his true colors eventually. At that point, go ahead and drop him. But why not give him a chance? He really good be a good guy that you’re missing out on because you’re afraid of heartbreak!

That’s the thing about life. Heartbreak happens. But we have to pick ourselves up afterwards and start over again. There’s plenty of fish in the sea. But one of them is going to be your great and last catch. It’ll take time. But don’t throw him back immediately after you catch him because you think something must be wrong with him.

I told my friend this (maybe not in so many words) and she’s going out on a date with him soon. I wish her the best of luck and I wish you all luck as well!

In my eyes there’s no such thing as a “too-good guy”- meet my expectations or get back in the water!

-Jocelyn H.

5 Things to do if You’re Single on V-Day

Yup, it’s that time of the year again.

Valentine’s Day.

If you aren’t in a relationship, this day can be sort of a bummer. You can’t go outside without seeing happy couples strolling around town hand in hand. That can be annoying even if you don’t have the V-Day blues.

Whether you’re single or just over the Valentine’s Day hype, here are some fun things to do on that chocolate-filled day.

  • Pamper Yourself: Who says you need a relationship to feel good? Treating yourself to some much needed spa-time may be even better than a handful of chocolate hearts. Go enjoy a massage, get a mani and pedi, get a facial. If you don’t to spend too much money you could stay at home and have a movie marathon, order out and kick your feet up. Just make sure you’re doing something that relaxes you.
  • Hang out with friends: If you have a friend or friends who also don’t have a Valentines, why not celebrate it together? Go out for a girl’s night in your finest party-clothes or even gather at someone’s house for a small tight-knit party. Heck, you could even throw a huge party if you’re all up for it!
  • Get Out of Town: If you’re feeling adventurous, plan ahead to leave your town to a place you’ve always wanted to go or a place that you’re interested in visiting. This place can be a drive away or a plane ride. You could get on a cruise. You could even simply visit your parents or someone you haven’t seen in a long time. This is all about keeping your mind busy and enjoying yourself!
  • Get a New Hobby: Try something new and refreshing! Take up swimming, yoga, sight-seeing…just try something that will focus your mind and bring you out with a new fun thing to do. Even if you don’t like it, at least you tried something different. That is an award in itself.
  • Go to a Comedy Show: Whether you go alone or with a friend, you’re sure to have a good time while you’re laughing!

I hope these ideas will help you out on Valentine’s Day. Remember, even if you don’t have a Valentine, you can be your own. Life is what you make it. Don’t waste a day of it being depressed over what is supposed to be a good day.

5 Reasons to Double Date

When I watch romantic movies, oftentimes I’ll see the couples going on double or group dates with their friends. It makes it easier to see each character’s personality and can even create some hilarious moments. It seems like great fun. So I asked myself how come my boyfriend doesn’t want to go on a double date?

When I finally gathered the courage to ask my boyfriend if he would be interested in going on a date with our friends, he readily agreed, saying that he never asked because he thought that I would only want alone time with him. Or in other words, he didn’t think I would want to share his attention. On one hand, that was true. But on the other, I wanted to do something different than our usual dinner and a movie.

Long story short, we went on the double date and really enjoyed ourselves. So here’s why I think double dating is more beneficial in a relationship:

  • You See Your Partner Around Other People: It’s informative if not fun to see how your partner acts around others. Does s/he become a different person around others? As in, does your partner become rude to you, make jokes about you that you don’t like, say too many embarrassing things? Or is your partner comfortable with who they are around others, witty, able to equally distribute their attention between your company and you? You’ll find that you either enjoy or dislike how your partner acts around other people. Either way, you two can discuss it later and make your relationship even stronger because of it.
  • Just the Right Amount of Jealousy: You’re used to having your partner with both eyes on you all of the time if you never get to experience them around other people. You forget that other people can find your partner funny or charming. You realize all over again just how awesome your partner is and that s/he is yours and you want it to stay that way. You become a bit jealous and territorial when your partner is getting attention from other people. If you don’t take the jealousy too far that can be a very good thing. It’s like reigniting a flame that was barely burning with embers.
  • You Break Your Usual Date Night Cycle: As aforementioned, my boyfriend and I had buried ourselves into a circle of dinner and a movie, go home and repeat. Dating becomes boring if you do the same thing over and over. You find yourself feeling as if you’re just “movie-buddies” instead of being in an actual relationship. Going on double-dates once in a while mixes up your regular schedule. You two can even figure out what your friends do for fun and try it out yourselves and vice versa!
  • Shake off Those Nerves: In new relationships especially, when you’re still in the awkward phase of puppy-love, you can still be nervous around your partner. You still don’t quite know what to say to keep the conversation going. But if you’re out with friends, those awkward pauses in conversation can be filled. You can feel free to discuss memories about yourselves- this will help your partner to learn more about who you are. It also makes for a good laugh a lot of the time.
  • You’ll Miss Alone Time: By the end of the night you’ll probably be missing your alone time with your partner. Sure, going out with others was fun, but you remember that the only person you truly love going out on dates with is your significant other.

So if you’re afraid of going on a double date, don’t be! It’s not for everyone, but you don’t want to miss the opportunity for an adventure with such potential. I had fun and I hope you will too!