Deciding to Stay with a Cheater?

Heartbreak is no joke. Most of us know the pain of a breakup, right? Whether you’re breaking up and deciding to remain friends or abruptly ending it during a fight… it hurts. And unless you absolutely hate that person and have a reason to be happy that it’s over it hurt bad. Some of us feel so bad we break down and cry, screaming into the pillow until our throats burn as much as the fire in our chests. Some of us feel a numbness that seems to have trapped the tears and held them in a hollow part deep in the crevices of a place inside that we didn’t know existed. Some of us go days before the pain really starts to happen.

But sometimes we make that decision to stay.

Even if the potential reason for the breakup is because that person cheated.

“How can you stay with someone who hurt you?” your friends ask, looking at you as if you have grown an extra head.

People pity you. They pray that you’ll come to your senses- wake up and smell the break-up. Wake up and see what a fool you are and how awful that guy is. The shame grows and grows.

There’s so many reasons you should leave, but depending on the circumstances behind the cheating maybe you’re right to stay but you feel stupid and scared to trust your gut. And that’s okay. But you have to make the decision that is best for you, regardless of what other people think.

This is NOT to say that you should stay with a person who has cheated on you multiple times or to stay in an unhealthy relationship where you do not feel valued.

If you’re thinking about staying with a person who has cheated here are some questions/tips you should think about:

  • Define and rate what your significant other did: Did s/he flirt? Was it physical? A kiss? Sex? Rate what the person did on a scale of 1 to 10.
  • Ask your partner why s/he cheated. It may bruise your ego, but it is a worthy question. From there you can decide if this person is still worth your time by confirming if it was just a once in a lifetime bad decision on your partner’s behalf or if your partner is bound to make the mistake again.
  • Ask yourself if this is something that you can truly forgive and forget. If you do choose to stay with this person you cannot allow yourself to be in a constant state of worry and suspicion. You cannot bring up the past in every argument. You cannot live with secret hate in your heart for the person that you decided to stay with. Things will only get worse that way and you both will end up being miserable and inevitably end in the heartbreak that you were trying to avoid in the first place.

If you do decide to stay with your partner you both must be dedicated to rebuilding trust in the relationship. You both must work to make the relationship stronger and better this time around, keeping in mind why and how the cheating occurred in the first place. If you truly feel the love has returned stronger than ever, ignore your friends who think that you are an idiot because they are not a part of your relationship and they do not know the inner workings like you do.

But if you feel that it is still not going to work after you have tried your best to rekindle the relationship, do not feel ashamed to leave. Furthermore, if you decided straight-out that you want to leave from the very beginning do not hestitate to do so. You know what is best for you and your relationship, so trust your gut, think about what your best decision is.

Love is out there. Maybe you’ve found it, maybe you haven’t. But you have to put in serious dedication to finding that life-long partner…even if there are some bumps along the way.

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